This is emotional pornography

So here's my scoop. I've got a bunch of mixing to do over the next 7 days, then I leave immediately with the ol band to play New England Metalfest and carry on with our tour with Animosity, As Blood Runs Black, and Beneath The Massacre. Then I've got 4 days off at home before driving to New York for the start of the Summer Slaughter tour, featuring Necrophagist, Decapitated, Cephalic Carnage, Cattle Decapitation, US, As Blood Runs Black, Arsis, Ion Dissonance, and Beneath The Massacre. I'll be home around July 10th. Then when I get home, I start recording an album for a band which I cannot reveal just quite yet.

All of this to say. See you like....never....pretty much :(

Visit me at a show if you can, so I don't feel like I have no real life!

I've said this before so maybe I'll never learn but, I really have to stop putting my heart on the line. It's really not worth it anymore.

I'm in a mischievous kind of mood, thus stating so in the mood section of this post. Gah, I have work to do though!


Anybody wanna do some stupid shit tonight?

I'm going to do everything in my power to spend no time at "home" anymore. Fuck Los Angeles. The place has nothing for me. Nothing.

I just realized how different my life has become in the last year. Not only have the circumstances changed, but I feel like a different person. A better one really. I wish being a better person actually brought you all the internal peace that you think it would. I'll keep trying!

I had a nervous breakdown tonight and was yelling and throwing shit. I'm pretty embarrassed about it, but I think it's better that it came out like that rather than me punching someone in the face or something. I cannot handle the amount of stress I have been under. I need a good woman to anchor me through these times.

yep yep. Leaving the day after tomorrow. I'll be gone for a month folks. Come visit me at the whiskey on the 19th as this will be my only day at home for the month.

Get savage motherfuckers.

Here's some important dates in my life if you care:

This Weekend: Going to Vegas. This will be rad.
August 8th: My Birthday.
August 11th: leave for tour with Arsis and Ed Gein for 5 weeks
September 19th: The Faceless Cd release and I believe our last day on the Arsis/ Ed Gein tour
October __: Tour with my favorite band (SO AMAZING) Necrophagist!!!

With any luck, this shitty ass year will turn around and end up being the best one yet.

I like to think that I've never been the type to come on livejournal and make lengthy diatribes of how depressed I am, but fuck it. I'm fucking depressed and with good cause. I broke my leg in a heat of rage, caused by my love for a girl and my own pride. The girl I love seems to want nothing to do with me and is sleeping with a complete scum bag. 40 miles outside of the first show of our tour, we broke down and had to cancel the whole tour except for 2 shows. We then got stuck in AZ for 2 days and are now in debt from all the shit we had to deal with. Every day I have nothing but time to sit around and think about how heartbroken I am, how shitty the circumstances of my band are, how frustrated I am with not being able to take care of myself because of my leg, and how none of those things are going to be coming to an end at any time soon. I just want to be happy for a change. A one night break from the hell that has become my life. I'm really not a bummer to be around right now I swear. I hide my unhappiness very well. So, please for the love of god, someone come and have some fun with me. I hardly see anyone unless they need to pick something up. Call me, message me, come by. I'm dyin here.

Life is so overwhelming sometimes

You know that feeling when something realllly shitty happens to you and your heart beats all fast and you feel really weak? You dont know what to do with yourself and you can barely talk? It doesnt happen often (for most people) but when it does it just fuckin annihilates you. Yep, that pretty much sums me up.

The power of music is an amazing thing.

Wow, I hate EVERYTHING. I've been sitting here thinking about how much random stuff/people/things I dont like. I hate over half the people on my buddy list. I hate 90% of music. I hate TV. I hate media. I hate trends and most fashions. I especially hate people who think they're some kind of genious for doing something retarded before everybody else starts doing it. I hate black comedies. I hate people who do drugs. I hate most straight edge people. I hate people who embrace their imperfections. I hate imperfections. I hate mcdonalds. I hate del taco. I hate tattoos. I hate grape flavored anything. I hate road trips with people who talk loud. I hate white girls. I hate white people. I hate faggotish looking dudes. I hate hating on everything. I hate everyone that works at any sam ash across the US. I hate sports. I hate local shows. I hate the entire city of hollywood. I hate malls. I hate steve's gay ass video phone. I could go on all day honestly....

I drank entirely too much alcohol last night. Maybe I should stop drinking. I think the only reason I drink is to numb myself of the fear that I'm spiralling into insanity, which I think I am. That probably sounds like some artsy attention getting thing to say, but fuck it. I think I'm fuckin nuts! I'm just gonna practice like 6 hours a day again to keep my mind focused on something.

I'm a psycho. Seriously....

killing the pain, 1 pint of vodka at a time. Anybody wanna party tonight?

Why are girls such bitches?

I am so ridiculously drunk. It's fuckin great!

Well my notion of 2006 being the best year yet was crushed in a matter of a couple of minutes today. I'm always so optimistic and enjoy the good times of my life so much that I have this false complex of safety. Like nothing is ever going to go wrong, so whenever it does I get knocked on my ass cuz I forget that life is shitty as fuck sometimes.Depression is a bitch. I'm fuckin drunk. Fuck everything.